Ep 47: Burnout is a Self Worth Issue (SOLO)

Burnout isn't just about overworking or lacking boundaries—it's deeply connected to our self-worth. When we believe we must earn our worth through achievements and people-pleasing, we create patterns that lead to exhaustion and unfulfillment.

• Understanding burnout as a symptom of limiting beliefs about our worth
• My personal story of rock bottom: losing my job, relationship, and home
• Realizing I was stuck in a cycle because I believed I had to "earn" my worth
• The difference between inherent worth and self-worth
• Why external success never truly fixes burnout
• How to reconnect with your inherent worth by getting clear on what you want
• Signs your self-worth is improving (reduced reactivity, inner peace, intuitive connection)
• Practical strategies: breathwork, journaling, intentional solitude, and exercise
• The crucial question: If you truly trusted your worth, what would you stop tolerating?

Daily breath-work (here's a YouTube channel that makes learning breath-work really easy 👉Breathe With Sandy)

Chapters

• 0:09 Welcome and Course Announcement
• 1:10 Self-Worth and Burnout Connection
• 2:42 My Rock Bottom Story
• 6:08 Breaking the Cycle of Unworthiness
• 9:08 How to Build Self-Worth
• 17:22 Practical Strategies for Sustainable Self-Worth
• 22:42 What Would You Stop Tolerating?

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

Welcome to Circumstantially Successful. I'm your host, brennan Hillary, and my mission as a lifestyle entrepreneur is to help others become the creators of their lives. Every week, I'm committed to helping you build your power from the inside out. Thank you for tuning in, for believing in yourself and for refusing to be a victim of your circumstances. Hope you enjoy the show. Let's get started.

Speaker 2: 0:33

Hey everyone, quick, exciting update before we dive into today's powerful episode. My self-paced course from overcommitted to in control is officially live. If you've been stuck in the people-pleasing cycle, constantly feeling overcommitted and drained, this course was made for you. Inside, you'll get practical tools and proven strategies to break the cycle of overcommitment and reclaim control over your time and your energy. As a special thank you for listening, I'm giving podcast listeners an exclusive 25% off discount. Just click the link in the show notes to access the course and or discount.

Speaker 2: 1:08

All right, let's dive in today's episode. Guys, I'm so excited for this episode. It's going to be another solo episode today and we're going to be talking about the link between self-worth and burnout. And to preface this, I want to say that burnout is not purely an external issue. Now, if you don't have your basic needs met, if you don't have food, water and shelter, your basic survival needs met, then okay, let's make the argument in that case that burnout is definitely a circumstantial issue. However, anything other than that, if you have those things met, I really don't believe that burnout is so much a circumstantial problem as much as it is an internal behavior problem, and we're going to dive really deep into that, because the patterns of behavior that we have and the belief systems that we have and the thoughts that we have all tie into how high our self-worth is. So, just to preface the episode, burnout isn't about overworking, it's not just about having a lack of boundaries. It's about really understanding that if we don't see ourselves worthy of the things that we want, we're going to continuously adopt patterns and act out behaviors that keep us stuck in a cycle of exhaustion.

Speaker 2: 2:33

And I want to tell you guys a story about when I realized that burnout was more about self-worth than it was about our circumstances that we're experiencing. So I moved to Virginia in October, in 2023. So pretty, pretty recently, and this was after my episode of burnout. My episode of burnout happened in November of 2022. And for those of you that haven't heard my story, essentially what happened is I spent six years in this corporate job, tying my whole identity to my accomplishments and achievements, feeling this constant need to prove myself, constantly putting other people's needs above my own, and eventually that led to a pretty severe stimulant addiction and then led to me not being able to move forward and continue in November of 2022, which, at that point, I lost everything. I lost my job, I put in my month notice. I lost my girlfriend at the time. I lost my apartment that I was living in, so I had to hit a pretty low rock bottom moment, and after that I was struggling to get back on my feet. I ended up moving to Missouri from Illinois to stay with a friend of mine who offered for me to stay at his place for free. Shout out to Trey Frisbee he's the friend that did that and I'll always be grateful for you and your wife Haley or soon to be wife Haley for letting me stay with you guys.

Speaker 2: 3:55

And yeah, so I was doing the best I could to hold down some jobs to get off of drugs and just found myself continuously stuck in the same pattern. I also formed my LLC for my company March of 2023, because I knew I wanted to coach people. I didn't know in what capacity, I just knew that I wanted to help people, not have to go through the experience that I went through with burnout. So fast forward, I get a phone call September of 2023 from a friend of mine that I used to work with in my prior career and he told me that he purchased a supplement store in Virginia and he wanted me to move out to Virginia to help him build it, and he also offered to help catch me up with my car payments and help me with my financial turmoil I was experiencing at the time and I said yes right away because at that point I would have done anything to get out of the situation that I was in. Not to mention my intuition was speaking to me to say yes. So I said yes. I moved to Virginia October of 2023.

Speaker 2: 4:57

And yeah, I was so broke that I was living in the store because I couldn't afford an apartment. I had a temporary license plate on my car that expired like a year before I actually got it registered in the state of Virginia because I couldn't afford to pay the state taxes and was just in a really bad spot. I was still addicted as well to edibles and Adderall, just to continue to try to push through. And it was interesting because that wasn't the first time that I experienced living in a store, being addicted to drugs and working for a supplement company. That was a cycle that I kept going through over and over and over again, the middle of the floor of the store, and the store had these overhead lights on that you couldn't shut off. So I was essentially sleeping in a room full of fluorescent lights and I just remember asking myself the question why can't I get out of this loop that I'm in? And didn't do anything about it, just asked myself a question.

Speaker 2: 6:08

And then eventually, a few months later, I actually got a phone call from my friend who moved me out to Virginia and said that he couldn't pay me anymore. And at first, of course, I was freaking out, I was really scared, and then I had this sudden wave of peace wash over me and I realized that that didn't happen as a punishment. That happened as a form of protection. It happened to give myself the opportunity and the space to be able to actually look at my life and look at my circumstances and really ask myself the question is this what I want, life? And look at my circumstances and really ask myself the question is this what I want? Is this what I truly deserve? And the answer is no, because once again, I was settling for being underpaid, undervalued and doing things at this point in my life that I maybe used to love to do but no longer love to do. Hence why everything that I did on a daily basis working for that supplement store felt like I was trudging through mud, and that's also how I felt towards the end of my corporate career. So I finally made the decision to listen, and at this point I had no idea what I was going to do, and that led me into a lot of series of events where I was able to essentially be given an apartment. I asked a friend of mine that I'd met through the supplement store to stay with him for a couple of weeks. His roommate was just so happening to visit his family back in Italy. He was in Virginia because of a PhD program that he was a part of, and then, a couple of days before he was supposed to come back, he texted us letting us know that he's not coming back and that he dropped his visa and he dropped his PhD program. So, all of a sudden, here I was given an apartment, and that only happened after I decided to make a move, and move in faith.

Speaker 2: 8:04

And one thing that I asked myself as these things were happening, I asked myself the question what do I believe to be true about my worth? Do I think that I'm worthy? Do I believe that I'm worthy of what I want? And the answer that came to me was actually really interesting, and this is maybe something you guys can relate to. The answer was this I believed I had to earn my worth. So that was the root, that was the limiting belief. The unconscious story I was telling myself was I had to earn my worth. And so the way I earned my worth was working myself to the point of burnout, and I kept repeating it over and over and over again, even though I was feeling like crap and even though nothing was working. I kept repeating that pattern because I believed that I had to earn my worth. And that's when I actually started to see that burnout was less so about things happening to me. It was more so about what I was creating to be true in my life, based off of what I believed. So let's talk about the deeper truth about burnout, because this is something I'm so passionate about, and when I go talk to teams and do talks about this and when I talk to one-on-one clients about this, it's all the same language and this is the truth.

Speaker 2: 9:29

Burnout is a symptom of deeper, limiting beliefs around our worth. External success doesn't solve burnout and only mask it. The common denominator that I see in the people that I help the high achievers every single one of them when we start working together. They have low self-worth, they don't believe that they're worthy of things, and the way that they overcompensate is by accomplishing a ton of things in their life. And what's so crazy about that is we think that once we accomplish a certain amount of things or we arrive at a certain destination that we're going to feel worthy. But the thing about beliefs is this Unless you change the belief internally, there's nothing externally that can happen that will make you feel worthy.

Speaker 2: 10:25

You may feel good for a day, a week, even a month, because of certain accomplishments, but it always wears off as soon as the chemicals in your body that signal like, hey, you did a good job wear off. You're going to go back to the same stories, the same patterns, the same feeling of unworthiness. And that's why there's so many successful people that I've met and the person that I used to be. They've done so much but they feel so empty Because everything that they do is because they have this fear that they're not enough. All the accomplishments don't come from a place of. This is what I'm destined to do, this is what I desire, this is what I want. It's coming from. Well, if I don't have this, then I feel like I'm not enough. So if you're operating from that place of fear deep down inside, well, then the energy that we're creating our life off of is not an energy of abundance and love for ourselves, it's fear. So, of course, whenever we accomplish things, it's not going to feel like enough, because true fulfillment and true self-worth can only come from creating a life that reflects our value and what we really want, not our fear, and what we think we should do to maybe please the people around us or to match the limiting belief systems that we were taught growing up.

Speaker 2: 11:53

I want to talk about how to reverse this, because if low self-worth and burnout go hand in hand, then the question that I know everybody is probably asking listening to this is well, brennan, how do you practically build self-worth? And I want to talk about this first by saying that there's a difference between inherent worth and self-worth, and to explain the difference, I want to use an analogy real quick. So let's think about inherent worth as a bank account that we're all given from the time that we're born. So every single human being starts out with a bank account, and what happens happens is. Self-worth is built through depositing into ourselves, through the daily actions that we take, and there's two different kinds of actions that we can take. Typically, there's the action of faith, which means that we're taking value-based action, so we're acting from a place of abundance, from a place of alignment. From a place of alignment, meaning we're doing things that actually reflect who we really are and what we want to have and what we want to create, which, every time we take action from that place, it's depositing into that inherent worth account or that bank account, right? So that's what builds our self-worth.

Speaker 2: 13:16

And every time we take action from a place of fear or from a place of not enoughness or from a place of a limiting belief, we're actually withdrawing from that account. So the worth of a bank account is based off of how much money you deposit into it. So that means that our self-worth is built through taking value-based action on a daily basis. It's from acting from a place of faith instead of fear, and when I say faith, I don't necessarily mean faith in the religious sense. I mean faith in terms of value-based action. I believe that self-trust, faith and self-worth are all muscles that we can build, and it can be built through taking actions that reflect who we really are. So every time we take action out of people pleasing, out of a should mentality, feeling like we have to do something when we don't really want to, every time we do that, we are withdrawing from our self-worth. We are basically reducing our self-worth.

Speaker 2: 14:25

So, step one in order for us to reconnect with our inherent worth, I want you to ask yourself the question if I couldn't fail and had unlimited resources, what would I truly want for myself and my life? Because here's the thing most people because they have beliefs that say they're not worthy of what they want, or what they want is too much, or what they want is not realistic, or whatever programming we were brought up into they don't even look at what they want we were brought up into. They don't even look at what they want. We avoid looking at what we want because we're avoiding the uncomfortable emotions that potentially will come with the realization that how we're living and what we want is not aligned. So how we're showing up and what we want is not aligned. Because if we allow ourselves to realize that, then we're going to have to change some things and most people don't have the blueprint and understanding how to really change themselves from the inside out or shift their identity. So they'll just avoid it and continue to stay stuck in the same loop that they've always been in. And I know this because I went through it and I experienced it. And the longer that you stay stuck in the loop just like the longer that you continue spinning your wheels if you're in a car stuck in the mud the more energy you waste and the harder it gets to get out.

Speaker 2: 15:44

Burnout is when you get to a point where you can no longer continue to spin your wheels, and it's a call to action. It's a call to action to change how you're showing up. So ask yourself the question if I couldn't fail and had unlimited resources, what would I truly want? Start there, and this is so important. Allow yourself to feel the discomfort of getting clear on what you want, and one of the things that I see that is the biggest barrier for the people that I help, and one of the biggest barriers I went through was giving ourselves permission to slow down long enough to even think about this, because a lot of the ways that we cope with burnout funny enough is actually making it worse through continuously loading our schedules up with busy work.

Speaker 2: 16:38

So whenever we aren't clear on what we want, we're going to continue to say yes to things that don't add value to our lives. Yeah, when we aren't aware of our value, we're going to continue to say yes to things that don't bring us value Right. So the inability to set boundaries, saying yes all the time and we want to say no all of that is a symptom of not consciously understanding our value, and so that's. And then what happens is we keep doing stuff that doesn't add value to our lives. We keep staying busy but not actually making any progress, and then we get drained from it, because we only get energy for the things that are actually going to help us reinforce who we actually are. We don't get energy for the things that don't reflect our truth, and that's one of the important things, one of the important things that I've realized about burnout too.

Speaker 2: 17:27

So feeling emotionally exhausted and feeling like you're drained all the time is comes from taking a consistent amount of action that does not reflect your value system and your truth. So we got to slow down, we got to be still and we got to really sit with these emotions that we've been avoiding, these emotions that have been keeping us stuck, and once we just allow ourselves to do that, then we're going to start being able to understand what actions we can start taking that reflect who we actually are, instead of continuing to do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, which is the definition of insanity. So, basically, what I'm saying is if you're burned out, you're insane Not really, but you get what I'm saying and I want to give you guys some signs that you're actually improving your self-worth, because a lot of times there's maybe certain areas of life that you intuitively start to build your self-worth. In A lot of high achievers, they build their self-worth in their job or their role or maybe like a certain area of their life or just in general. So one of those signs is reduced reactivity, so what's going on outside of you doesn't influence your emotions as much. So that's a really big sign. If your external world does not influence your internal world as much, that's a sign you're improving your self-worth.

Speaker 2: 18:50

Two is just feeling an undercurrent of peace. The analogy I like to use with this is a tornado. So with every tornado there's the chaotic part which is the wind swirling around, it's the vortex, but then there's also a calm center, and that calm center is a good symbol for our true essence, who we actually are. So the more in tune you are with the fact that you are the center of the tornado you aren't the tornado that's also a sign you're improving your self-worth, so you're feeling peace, even if chaos is going on around you. And then also you're more connected with your intuitive guidance. So you start getting these nudges of advice. You start feeling pulled towards things. You start to hear that voice that is more of a whisper, and calm and cool and collected, the voice that serves your highest good, instead of the frantic, super urgent, crazy voice in our heads that is a symbol of our ego. And then also you find yourself being less attached to certain outcomes in your life. So maybe if you have a business and you have an off month, instead of looking at that as an attack of your worth and your value, you just look at it objectively, for what it is, and you just figure out what adjustments you need to make to improve the outcomes without tying your identity to it. Right, and then also less attachment to seeking validation, so you're more sure of the decisions that you're making and you don't require chat GBT, which I'm a victim of this. Sometimes I'll use chat GBT to reassure me on things. Chat GBT are like people's outside validation to drive your decision making.

Speaker 2: 20:24

Yeah, and now I want to give you guys some ways to sustain yourself for it, some things that have been really beneficial for me in my life. Some things that have been really beneficial for me in my life. One is you can start doing breath work. So a dysregulated nervous system makes it really difficult for us, and I would even say damn near impossible for us to slow down and feel safe about slowing down. So you need to learn how to regulate your nervous system. There's this YouTube channel called Breathe With Sandy that I started using early 2023. That has completely changed the game for me. I'll put his YouTube channel link in the show notes. I'm not affiliated with him in any way, I just really love his work. It makes breathwork super easy. So I'd really recommend having a daily breathwork practice, or at least a couple times a week to learn how to regulate your nervous system.

Speaker 2: 21:11

Journaling is always helpful. Times a week to learn how to regulate your nervous system. Journaling is always helpful. Or even like verbally processing things. So sometimes, when I'm in certain states of mind, like writing for me isn't as effective for getting my thoughts out, so I'll literally just record myself speaking using a voice memo and then I have this app on my phone. I can't remember what it's called, but I'll speak using my voice and then it'll transcribe it into words and I can like journal about that. So that's fun.

Speaker 2: 21:36

Intentional solitude. So allowing yourself to just sit still with no stimulation and do nothing for five minutes a day Seems like not a lot of time. Super effective. And then regular exercise. So, fun fact, exercise and certain kinds of exercise does this more than others activates what's called the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is one of the most powerful ways that your body has to regulate its nervous system. So simulating your vagus nerve is what certain breathwork practices do, and it's also what exercise does Same with, like brushing your teeth and other things too. It's really interesting. So, yeah, those are some of the favorite things that I do on a pretty frequent basis to keep myself regulated, and I'm not perfect with this. There's times where I feel dysregulated and I find myself moving into old patterns of behavior. So just give yourself grace as you're adopting some of these practices.

Speaker 2: 22:30

So to close this out, I really want to ask you guys a certain question, and this will hopefully help you with knowing what action to take next, because I don't want you just to listen to this podcast and get inspired and then not do anything right. You guys want to create a life that you love for yourself and you deserve that. So to help you with what next step to take, I want to ask you this question If you truly trusted your inherent worth, what's one thing you'd stop tolerating right now? What's one thing you'd let go of? Whatever that thing is, I encourage you to take one small step towards letting go of that thing so that you can start moving forward, so you can start letting go of the anchors that are holding you back from doing the stuff in your life that you know you want to do. So I hope this episode was helpful for you guys.

Speaker 2: 23:26

This is one of the biggest realizations I've had when it comes to burnout and self-worth and all the things. And even if you're not experiencing burnout, even if you just want to become more confident and create more fulfillment in your life, this episode and these practices will help you. So just a reminder please check the show notes for my self-paced course link, so it's called From Overcommitted to In Control. So it takes a framework that I use specifically for my premium one-on-one coaching clients and I'll teach you how to prioritize joy and fulfillment in your life. You get a 25% discount if you're listening to this, so check out the show notes and please share your feedback for this episode. Email me, message me on social media. It's in the show notes as well, and I'll end it with this You're inherently worthy of everything your heart desires. Until next time, stay blessed.