Ep 44: Surrendering to Find Your Power (Featuring Ashley Coleman)

Ashley Paige Coleman shares her transformative journey from spiritual amnesia to becoming a shamanic minister and energy medicine practitioner. Her story reveals how confronting our shadows leads to authentic spiritual awakening and healing.

• Born highly sensitive with extrasensory abilities, Ashley struggled with night terrors and feeling misunderstood
• Societal conditioning led her to seek external validation and join the "mean girl" crowds in high school
• A toxic relationship left her physically ill, symbolizing her spiritual starvation
• Modern dance class unexpectedly led her to yoga, which introduced the life-changing concept: "Brahman equals Atman" (you equal God)
• Discovered that facing painful emotions rather than resisting them is the key to healing
• Going fully into emotions with "masculine containment" (non-judgmental awareness) breaks the cycle of suffering
• Meditation and shadow work became essential practices for reconnecting with her authentic self
• Recommends making a full commitment by writing, signing and dating a vow to yourself
• Now leads the Winged Alchemy Mystery School, helping others access their soul's wisdom
• Emphasizes that spiritual awakening isn't about escaping reality but descending into it with awareness

Check out the Spiritually Empowered Podcast and access Ashley's free library of classes at the Mystic's Path Temple through the links below:

Winged Alchemy Page:  https://wingedalchemy.net/links/

Ashley's IG: https://www.instagram.com/wingedalchemyofficial/

Ashley's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@winged.alchemy?_t=ZT-8wSnXXy3fHa&_r=1

Join the Mystery School Waitlist:  https://wingedalchemy.myflodesk.com/wingedalchemy-mysteryschool

Chapters

• 0:00 Meeting Ashley Paige Coleman
• 9:01 Born Extrasensory: Ashley's Childhood
• 18:05 The Conditioning of Self and Identity
• 27:12 From Mean Girls to Finding Her Path
• 37:45 The Yoga Discovery That Changed Everything
• 47:26 Brahman Equals Atman: The Great Awakening
• 56:03 Facing Your Shadows and Emotions
• 1:02:32 The Hero's Journey and Spiritual Trials

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

Welcome to Circumstantially Successful. I'm your host, brennan Hillary, and my mission as a lifestyle entrepreneur is to help others become the creators of their lives. Every week, I'm committed to helping you build your power from the inside out. Thank you for tuning in, for believing in yourself and for refusing to be a victim of your circumstances. Hope you enjoy the show. Let's get started.

Speaker 3: 0:34

Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Circumstancy Successful. I'm so excited for the day because I have a very special guest. Her name is Ashley Paige Coleman. She is an ordained shamanic minister, an advanced energy medicine practitioner, a yoga teacher and meditation teacher. She has a bachelor's degree in psychology. She's a lifetime spiritual seeker and she's a published author. And, most importantly out of everything, she's a mystic. And I met Ashley. It's been a little bit over a month now and I've just been blown away by her story and how she conducts herself, and the sole purpose that she has in this world, I know is massive and I'm so excited for you all to get to know her. So, ashley, welcome.

Speaker 2: 1:22

Hello, thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 3: 1:25

So, ashley, welcome. Hello, thank you so much for having me. Yeah, so, ashley, there's so much to you and I've learned so much about you, and I want to share that with the people. And the way I want to start is through the lens of who Ashley used to be, who Ashley was before maybe you were awoken to the power that you have, the gifts that you carry. I'd love to get an insight of your journey and then what caused you to start really discovering that side of yourself.

Speaker 2: 1:58

So all the way back to childhood who.

Speaker 2: 2:01

I was, before my awakening, absolutely Okay, beautiful. So I was always extrasensory. I was born and I was feeling and I would even like put emotions into inanimate objects and just had this huge capacity to experience emotions and I wasn't seeing other people at least display a similar capacity, and I remember having a lot of night terrors. So that was like a large part of my trauma in this lifetime is not feeling safe at night in a house full of my family, not feeling safe at night in a house full of my family, doors locked, everybody's all right, nobody's yelling, and I felt tormented every single night for many years and that was really confusing because things were good in my family, in the household. So I started to struggle pretty early on with like the flow of human life on this planet and very sweet, very sensitive, very like touchy-feely with my mom, like, just like a softy, and really felt like the world was not conducive to that sensitivity.

Speaker 3: 3:26

And you not feeling like you were understood it sounds like in that capacity at such a young age. How did that shape your perception of the world growing up?

Speaker 2: 3:37

I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all. I was very privileged and I just really went into theions on the planet beyond my world and really felt like damn, something's up and I'm here to somehow affect it yeah and it bared a lot of weight in my little system and none I didn't grow up in a psychic family like in terms of their awareness of these types of gifts and of my type of self, so I really just felt like I didn't belong and then I I felt like I was messed up, like I took that on because I didn't see anybody like me.

Speaker 2: 4:46

I felt like very too sensitive that's kind of the quote that my type of soul will say like other people too too sensitive night terrors, like it's all kind of more common now that I'm in this world of spiritual awakening where a type of soul like mine walks through those specific challenges yeah, and when you say conditioning, when it comes to you felt victim to the conditioning in a way.

Speaker 3: 5:15

For the people listening, what is your definition of conditioning and what does that mean in relationship to our soul and who we actually are?

Speaker 2: 5:28

yeah, I think, in essence, conditioning isn't wrong. It's like learning to walk like a human, learning to eat like a human, learning how to live in tribe, learning how to live in a family unit. So in essence it just is, and some of it can be helpful and a lot of it's not helpful. So we start to do this thing called masking. When we learn you know, mommy doesn't like when I cry or daddy doesn't like when I get mad there starts to be this like instruction manual, this societal, like shaping, which again isn't in essence right or wrong, it sort of is so that we can walk as human, as togetherness, right in community, in tribe, ideally.

Speaker 2: 6:21

And there's a huge shadow with it, because there's this shooting in this masking and if we and and when we have these masks, we don't feel completely honest with who we are and I didn't feel completely seen or loved for who I am because of the masking. And so much of that is TV shows, media songs. I mean songs really condition us for better or for worse because it's vibration, it's lyrics, it's tone and it's repetitive. We keep singing them and so there are these storylines, like in the world, specific to the culture, that really write our subconscious programming, and so much of that is not fucking true and real, it just is. And so much of that for me really rubbed up against who I was and who I wanted to be.

Speaker 3: 7:31

And how'd that show up for you? How did that conditioning and you growing up with certain distortions about who you are and what your value was, and potentially just what you were meant here to do how did that manifest for you in your life?

Speaker 2: 7:48

What was most important to me in middle school and high school to a really large degree was looking hot and getting attention, because that was my association with love. And look at the music that I was singing and the TV shows like it just really scripted me to focus so much on external love and validation on a really surface level. I mean I wore the tightest jeans in class, like I wanted those yeah, like I wanted to be at the top of you. Have the tightest pants on. I'm like I couldn't breathe in those pants.

Speaker 3: 8:29

Beauty is pity.

Speaker 2: 8:31

The button would fall off and I would, my mom would re-sew it because they were so tight and it's like, wow, you know the constriction is symbolic, it was physical and all other levels as well.

Speaker 3: 8:50

And it's so interesting because I feel like there's this stigma about people who grow up having everything, in the sense of they have a good family, they have everything they need material-wise and I know from personal experience coming from the opposite end of that. It's interesting because us talking offline, I've realized we've dealt with a lot of similar struggles with completely different upbringings. So you seeking validation and you feeling the need for that, it's not because you weren't provided for. It's because of you believing things about yourself and having a perception about yourself which then have basically caused you to have a perception about the world that was distorted. And when did you start realizing in your journey that it was distorted?

Speaker 2: 9:55

I yeah, great question. I was in high school and I was like with the popular girls, whatever. I had friends, though, in every little community, like I've always been like a people person in that way, and I remember like sneaking out of windows and taking body shots and kind of being like a part of the mean girl tribe, like really. And it hit me when this is like a silly story but, um, we dropped off something at like a friend's house. I don't want to go into details, but it was a really embarrassing thing. Like we dropped it off, like on her birthday and it was like a really, because she had like stolen quote unquote like some other girl's guy, whatever, and and we dropped this. It was like really, really hateful, you know.

Speaker 2: 10:38

And I realized that the drinking posse and the big partying posse I was like I don't like y'all and I don't like myself in this place either. And that's when I really like switched gears into like the pothead crowd. I was like these people are way more chill, like y'all are just catty, like making out, taking body shots, that's fun for a minute, and then it's like you're actually mean and I just it rubbed me the wrong way, you know, and I made that transition from substance to substance and it was my transition from friend group, really Like wow, they're just like the potheads are just like hanging out and like chilling and like they're nicer. They're probably having a little bit more depth of conversation. You know there's a little bit more depth of conversation, you know there's a little bit more space for depth there. So, yeah, I realized I didn't want to be with the mean girls anymore and and I didn't want to be that either. Right, so like it was me too.

Speaker 3: 11:35

That was who I was in that era in a way, and, um, yeah, I just made that shift you made that shift and it sounds like you went from one in this end of the spectrum to another. In a way, it's almost like well, because I was so mean, I want to be very chill and very um, what would a good word be? Nonchalant or in a way like less, less, um, caring in some ways, maybe like less judgmental, like more, almost like equating the substance to well, this is going to help me become more compassionate for others, or more at peace, or less, maybe even deep down right, less critical of myself in a way yeah, I think so, maybe on a deeper level.

Speaker 2: 12:28

And and for me it felt like quite surface it was just like very clear, like y'all I'm mean, y'all are mean and I don't like drinking, right like it always turned my fucking stomach. Can we? Can we cuss on here?

Speaker 3: 12:41

absolutely phenomenal okay, great.

Speaker 2: 12:43

First of all, the conversation phenomenal. And yeah, I just um, you know I wanted to to do drugs. I remember being in detention like having a real conscious interest in altered states and I was like I want to manifest a boyfriend that we can get high together all the time and I I totally got that. It turned into a nightmare and really taught me a lot, like I remember genuinely wanting to go from alcohol to a different type of altered states right side note.

Speaker 3: 13:17

That was kind of interesting yeah, when I it sounds like you've always been so in tune with the energetic world and like the spiritual side of things where, when the people around you were not, and substances definitely open the door for that not in the truest, purest way maybe, but it opens the door, and I think that there's something to be said about using it as a form of experimentation and really needing to do that before you kind of come to the point where you access it yourself, depending on the journey of the person, that's. I know. For me personally, substances were definitely my way of escaping my reality, because I was more comfortable with the energetic side or the spiritual side, because I had a longing for returning home.

Speaker 2: 14:05

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 14:06

In a way. So you transitioned to smoking weed and hanging out with that crowd. When was your next realization of this, isn't it either?

Speaker 2: 14:22

Yeah, I was three or four years deep into a relationship.

Speaker 2: 14:28

And, yeah, you know, pot, like it was an interesting journey for me because it liberated me from a lot of masks, like it brought my creativity back online, like it did a lot for me until it stopped and so I went into the overuse piece of it. And you know, you mentioned opening doors and you can also open doors that you don't want open, right, like you're playing the cards, often with substances. And yeah, I realized, about three or four years into a quite toxic relationship, like I was ill. I was physically ill. I remember being in my parents bathtub at the time like skin and fucking bones. My appetite had went to zero. I literally was, was a hostess at a restaurant, chugging pediatasure to survive. My body was rejecting food, which is so symbolic to my relationship with life. And I remember, like driving home from my partner's house, falling asleep at the wheel, like starving, just like feeling like I was about to die, like really, really ill, and I was so attached, so attached. It was like my, my lifeline was killing me. What I was holding to for dear life was killing me and I, what was the complete door opener for God's grace over.

Speaker 2: 16:01

My life started with a modern dance class, actually at the community college. I was in, I needed a PE credit and I signed up for modern dance and I remember being in the room. I had jet black hair and I remember being in the room and the teacher was like what's your name? Like Ashley? She's like, oh, ashley, you look like more exotic than that, like an Esmeralda or something. And I was like, oh, like she saw something in me, like I was different, I was exotic, and I was like, oh, that stuck with me for some reason.

Speaker 2: 16:37

Yeah, and I remember being in that class and I was moving and I did well in that class. I was failing out of community college damn near. I think I failed algebra like two and a half times, like it was my third try and I had to get a tutor and I was like, ah, how do I do this? And still using pod, and just like, yeah, and so I took modern dance and I liked it and then, after that semester ended, this was the real turning point I signed up for Yoga 101 for God knows why I no longer needed the PE credit. I was still barely getting by in life in general and in my college degree in psychology and I, just by the grace of my soul and God's leadership in my life, I signed up for that class.

Speaker 3: 17:29

What did that feel like before, before you made the decision to sign up for the class? Oh my gosh, what was the pull that you experienced? Because, for the for a lot of people listening, we all have that pull inside of us and so many of us are just taught to ignore it. And when you think about conditioning, the more that we're conditioned in a way that doesn't serve our highest good, the more we abandon ourselves in the process without knowing it. And one of the biggest things we abandon is our inner truth, or our authority, or the thing or intuition it goes by many names our hearts desires, and I would love for people to know exactly what that feels like whenever something's telling you, this is for me oh, my goodness, I wish I could remember it was.

Speaker 2: 18:23

that's such a great question. I was so stoned. I don't remember. I just, you know, I had never, ever taken a yoga class. So why would she sign up for Yoga 101?

Speaker 2: 18:41

I did it because I liked modern dance and I felt that I was on to something. Me and my body are BFFs and at the time we weren't in such a great phase of our relationship and I think what I tasted from modern dance was a reconnection to body. And then I wanted to take that deeper. I was like, ooh, the body. And people think yoga is about the body. And then, boom, it's this 4,000 year old science of awakening out of suffering, year old science of awakening out of suffering. And so I think, Brennan, the thread was my body, because I was so sickly in it and I was so unhappy. And and I remember being in eighth grade and like in middle school, doing back handsprings and practicing my back walkovers, like I've always wanted and had that like athletic flair of like, wanting to like do handstands. I even like killed the grass in the yard because I did handstands like every five seconds over and over and over.

Speaker 3: 19:45

so she's not lying. She did a headstand today on a rock and it was really impressive thank you very much.

Speaker 2: 19:51

Yeah, exactly that. I feel like it was the thread of body and coming home to that that led me to sign up for a whole course in yoga so it carried you.

Speaker 3: 20:04

It's almost like it had a mind of its own and that in that point, yeah there was an invisible thing moving me, and then that's.

Speaker 2: 20:12

I call that grace.

Speaker 3: 20:13

An invisible force. You call that grace. So then you went to your first yoga class. Do you remember what that experience was like?

Speaker 2: 20:27

No, I did. I do know. Maybe I did meet a friend there and that was beautiful. I met this friend I think her name was Bree, maybe and I remember like being good at yoga. She was like, yeah, ashley, you're rocking it. And I was doing crow pose, like, and I learned headstand when I would just lean back and lean back just enough so that my legs would come off the wall, like I was having this experience with the body aspect of it, and I remember being like good at it, like I was a natural. Things were just aligning for me and my body had this memory of me doing my sit-ups on my bender ball and my back walkovers. I just like, really, yeah, the connection to my body re like sparked and I felt like I was good at it, like I felt like I was growing in that.

Speaker 2: 21:27

And then the complete gorgeous turn on incredible philosophy that is yoga. All of a sudden, things started to make sense and I'll tell you the teaching, if you want to hear it. That just stripped the masks and it's the teaching of the Upanishads, and the Upanishads it's called the Vedanta, or the end of the Vedas, and this is an ancient, maybe the most ancient Indian text, I think the Rig Veda is the most ancient, thousands of years old, and Upanishad, it's the advanced teachings, like the most esoteric teachings, and I remember later, later, later, at another college that I got into, I remember hearing that Upanishad means to sit at the feet of the teacher because they're going to whisper something to you. It's like the esoteric teachings and this is what it is. Brahman equals Atman. Brahman equals atman. Atman is your individual soul unmasked. Brahman is god, the creator, god in hinduism. So the teaching of the upanishad upanishad is you equal god?

Speaker 2: 22:55

And I stopped feeling like a piece of shit. I stopped praying to this man with a beard somewhere else judging me. Why would I fear God? No, no, it doesn't make sense. No, no, it doesn't make sense. No, this man up in the sky, it smashed the illusion of that story for me that I'm separate. That's the original wound that you're separate from God.

Speaker 3: 23:24

Right.

Speaker 2: 23:24

It doesn't get deeper than that. I don't think.

Speaker 3: 23:27

No.

Speaker 2: 23:27

And it smashed that. And it says you are that. The words are so hum S-O-Hh-a-m. You are one with that. I am that, I am. That's the teaching, and you could spend a lifetime enjoying that remembrance and that disconnection from self.

Speaker 3: 23:53

in my perspective and I would love to talk about your work with people that you do in addiction and recovery, because we both share that we're both choosing to be sober for the rest of our lives I believe that the root cause of addiction is disconnection from self, or disconnection from that part of us that is divine, that part of us that is made of unconditional love, part of us that is divine, that part of us that is made of unconditional love, that is absolutely 100% flawless. Because we get these ideas that we are our minds or we are our emotions or we are our physical body. So the limitation that we have, it's like our ego tells us we think we are our ego. So our ego says you are this material thing or this physical thing. And then, yeah, it's never enough.

Speaker 3: 24:45

And my perspective of an awakening because I believe that the people listening to this are either in the process of awakening or already have, in a sense of awakening to the true essence of who they are it's the realization of self. It's the realization that you are not your mind, you're not your body and you're not your emotions. It's you're the observer of those things and you're the soul governing those things. So, when it comes to you connecting through yoga to that part of yourself, how did your life start to change when you discovered that practice? What was the what was the things that you were kind of doing without that discovery? And then how did your life start to shift with that discovery?

Speaker 2: 25:33

I love that. Yeah, and beautiful share. I really enjoyed how you just described that. I completely agree. So, before the discovery, what was I doing?

Speaker 3: 25:42

yeah, to walk me through just like the behaviors the you think you know, like the practical side of like what. What did ashley care about? What did ashley do? What were some of the things that you're engaging in? And then that practice came into your life and you connected with who you really are. And then what was the difference?

Speaker 2: 26:03

Yeah, I would say, before I found yoga, I was in complete survival mode. I could barely eat and one of the first things that healed, that started healing in a rapid and powerful way, was my disordered eating, like my appetite switch turned back on. It felt like a miracle and that was really powerful. Yeah, so before that discovery, I was smoking constantly. For seven years. I was in a cloud, wow, all day, every day. I don't want to identify as this morris, but I'll just say I'm passionate, I'm very passionate, and so I was smoking and really just in that survival mode. And and then after the discovery and it's quite blurry, yeah.

Speaker 2: 26:57

It's quite blurry, the before you know.

Speaker 3: 27:00

Yeah, it's hard to remember in survival mode.

Speaker 2: 27:02

Yeah, exactly After the discovery, I opened Pandora's box of all the spiritual things I could get my hands on and I found that book, light worker great and yes and um, crystals law of attraction. I mean, it was pandora's box opened up and I was a thirsty motherfucker for the truth, so I was like digging in all these places. I used to feel like I had nothing to talk about. At social events, I used to really feel this way that I had nothing to say, and now I have lots of things to say, like my passion, who. I am just completely opened up and I was a natural at it.

Speaker 2: 27:56

It was like I had been asleep, spiritual amnesia for a while and then I woke up and remembered and I'd love to share this story about a miracle that I received, and it was the same year or the year after, like the same.

Speaker 2: 28:13

It was the same year or the year after, like the same year actually, that I found yoga, and it was a full moon in Capricorn.

Speaker 2: 28:22

I think you may have heard this story on my Instagram story, but it was a full moon in Capricorn and I remember learning about angels and crystals and I was like opening up all these doors and my partner at the time was out staying at a friend's house, drinking probably, flirting, probably, like it was a really shitty night. It was peak pain, peak suffering, and I was in the bathtub and I was like dying inside and I prayed a very specific prayer. On the full moon I said, angels, if you're real, please take this pain and lay it on the surface of my being, because I am dying. It was so, it was so deep in me that I was like literally felt like I was dying. It was peak pain, peak suffering, and it was so confusing because nobody was trapping me with my arms bound, nobody was holding me to the floor like yeah, this was an internal thing right and I felt like up until that point I could not leave this partner.

Speaker 2: 29:33

I was was a feeding tube and now learning shamanism, that's called a cord and we can go in and cut that right and brought my sword today. So I prayed that prayer and I watched the moon move across the whole sky, went to bed probably after the sun came up and I woke up and when I tell you I'm not being dramatic, this is real as hell, when I tell you, the attachment was broken overnight. That four-year attachment was sliced and diced and I would lay in the same bed with him and I was completely free, completely free, and I just walked away and that was like whoa, this is a spiritual thing.

Speaker 3: 30:24

And that was probably one of the first times it sounds like in your life where you saw evidence to suggest that the things that you felt in your heart was real and was true. It's powerful, and I'll share a story in my life too, just to amplify this for people, because so many people believe that spirituality is this woohoo, esoteric, just completely otherworldly thing. And it's truly not, and for me, the first time that that was really relevant was not the first time in my life, but in recent memory was whenever I ended up moving to Charlottesville in October of 2023 and just had no money, had just gotten burned out from my corporate career, was still addicted to Adderall and Vyvanse and edibles and was living in a store because I couldn't afford an apartment and the place that I'd moved to, or the store that I was living in, could no longer pay me for my employment there, and so I asked a friend to stay with them for a couple of weeks while I figured my shit out, to figure out how do I get a place to stay and I'm sick of I can't live in the store if I'm not even working here anymore and my friend had a roommate that was going to UVA because he was on the PhD program and he was from Italy and the only reason why he was able to be in the US is because of this PhD program. And it just so happened. When I asked to stay with my friend for a couple of weeks, his roommate was traveling back home to Italy for a couple of weeks, for a couple weeks I'll never forget.

Speaker 3: 32:16

The day before my friend's roommate was supposed to come back, he texted us saying hey, I just dropped the PhD program and I'm not coming back. And I prayed a week before that, something like that. I prayed for some sort of stability, some sort of structure, it's just. I remember I surrendered to God if you're real, please just give me a place to stay. And when that happened, that was the first time I believed that walking in faith is what produces miracles. So I want to share that too as an add-on to your story.

Speaker 2: 33:10

I love that. That's powerful and, yeah, thank you for sharing that. In the addiction and recovery world it's called the gift of desperation. The gift of desperation when we phone a friend and that friend, hopefully, is God, and when you ask, it is given. And then the shamanic phrase of aini or a Quechua word aini, right, reciprocity is when you ask, it's always given. Now, the fine print is that when you are asked of you show up, not 90 percent, not 99 percent, but it's a resounding yes to show up for the call yeah so it's it's both ways, it's Aini, it's reciprocity in that relationship.

Speaker 3: 33:58

Absolutely yeah. And for you, you had that realization and you were like wow. I asked and I received yeah. What happened after that?

Speaker 2: 34:11

I got the keys to a one-bedroom apartment. I had my beloved ferret Her name was Luna and I started singing. So I had met people to play music with and I walked away and I never fucking looked back. That was it. I closed the door and I made a promise to myself and this has served people, this has served some of my best friends, this um teaching that I lived and that is, I told myself, ash, I will never leave you again. After that relationship, after that phase, I I made a vow, a promise that I would never leave myself again. And I was still smoking and that left.

Speaker 2: 34:57

A year or two later and I just shut the door, got really fucking lonely and I studied spirituality and I actually began to go head first into all the stuff that I was running from.

Speaker 2: 35:14

And I don't recommend going going that hard into it, you know, because it put me really close to psychosis. I mean, I just about lost my shit a good number of times and I would say to people go a little gentler and go with a guide, you know, take somebody with you. That's what I do with people, and what I really did in my one-on-one sessions is I now have a map to the underworld, which is your unconscious mind, which is the collective unconscious. I've been given a shamanic map, so I know to a degree the territory of these worlds, which might be interesting to your audience from the shamanic view, the three different worlds, because I went so far into the lower world without a map that it really teetered me on psychosis, truly, and I think that's all too common, unfortunately. And with more people waking up and more guides coming online, we make it easier for other people to find their way with a little less suffering.

Speaker 3: 36:18

And I want to dig deeper into that because it would be helpful and to pre-frame that for people. Think about it from the practical perspective of your rock bottom. So when you get to that rock, that biggest breakdown of your life, and something triggers something in you, triggers of like I can't keep doing this, I can't keep living this way and then that's what propels you into a different way of living or a different state of being. The threshold of the person you've been up to this point and the person that you know you need to be to get out of your situation is shining a light on the things that you've kept in the dark. So what the unconscious mind is is the things that we've kept in the dark and we're not taught how to tap into that. Really, we're taught how to retain information and use knowledge and use our conscious mind to do everything, but the thing is is when we have those invisible forces holding us back, when we don't confront those things, those things are what have been controlling us.

Speaker 3: 37:28

So, for you, what you're saying is that when you let go of substances, part of the reason it sounds like that you use substances and I know the reason why I use substances was to unconsciously avoid those shadows in me, or unconsciously avoid those parts of ourselves that were controlling us, were controlling us and then embracing that cold turkey, which means that all of these things and these demons and these parts of us that we don't like, that we're taught and conditioned to not love and that we never were able to love properly, all of a sudden, all of that, it's like being a being, a level one dragon slayer and then like the, you know, like five or ten dragons coming at you at the same time. Yes, yes, so walk me through for you. What did you do to start slaying those dragons? What is your process?

Speaker 2: 38:32

number one. I made it a priority. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else mattered, and I mean eating and drinking water, you know those kinds of things, but that was number one. I was moved. I had to. That was the gift of my calling. I had to, that was the gift of my calling.

Speaker 2: 38:59

And a teacher, teal Swan, who's quite controversial the good ones are, her teachings activated the shadow work that I needed, and that was stop trying to feel better, Cut it out instead of trying to get out of self. This changes people's lives. I know for a fact, I'm so. It's. It's such a part of the foundation of, like what got me here and what I've gotten the gift to share with others. Like this is this is the diamond in the hill. Go towards it caveat, safely, gently, with a guide, blah, blah, blah. It's important, um, go towards it.

Speaker 2: 39:47

And actually, and what I do is I lay down and I do this I descend down as far as I can go, like my body's in a pool of water, and I am dying to the emotion. Down, down, down. You're asking the emotion to come over you. You're going down, down, down. We are so taught to get out of self, to elevate. This is feminine medicine. It's descending down into what's calling you.

Speaker 2: 40:19

So I stopped trying to feel better and I spiraled all the way into it and I sat there at the bottom of the pool and I said hello the pool. And I said hello. It's not the emotions that create suffering, it's the resistance, it's when we dance around them. That's a bigger thing than the pure emotion. And tantra and shamanism says you know, you go so far into grief, my darling, and you pop out into love. It's when you hold yourself above it and you're trying and you're swimming and you're trying get me out of here. If you would just lay on the ground and just go, go, go as far as you can safely go and sit at the bottom. Go as far as you can safely go and sit at the bottom.

Speaker 3: 41:19

Usually there's a massive relief and I found that and I touched that and that's why I'm here and why we don't do that is because we're taught that there's certain emotions that are good and certain emotions that are bad, and it's so relevant that we think that emotions are. We think we're smarter than our emotions in a lot of ways and we don't embrace them because we're scared of them, especially the highly sensitive people and you and you mentioned this, like when you were a child because because other people around you maybe didn't feel as deeply, for whatever reason. Maybe that reason is because their soul isn't that sensitive, maybe it's because they avoid, maybe it's because they're scared as well. Whatever it is, there's this, just this, this narrative that it's not safe to fully dive in, and because we don't allow ourselves to experience the dark, we also withhold ourselves from experiencing the light.

Speaker 3: 42:27

Yes, yes and when you decided to be vulnerable to that and to surrender to that. That's where you discovered your strength. Where it's so funny because, especially the people, that the high achiever right, the, the person who's always pushed forward no matter what, the, the person who has always felt that if they're allowing themselves to express emotions, then it's a burden to others. Suppression is power, but really surrender is power. And it's such a paradox because, unless you allow your emotions to consume you for a time and go through you, yes then you'll never experience life the way that you're meant to experience it yeah, I love that.

Speaker 2: 43:25

That's beautiful. I would love to brendan like talk about the masculine containment in that realm, because I think it's really important yeah when it comes to safely, like you mentioned, being consumed by, like the emotions.

Speaker 2: 43:38

yeah, yeah, so that looks like developing, for me at least and for the people that I've, having the skill of non-judgmental awareness, and it's an upwards loving awareness, it's unconditional love and it's a, it's a presence that we all have. It's behind the mind, it is the watcher of the thoughts. It's an internal thing and one way to look at it, just one way, is that it's, you know, a masculine principle of objectivity, of being the space, the chalice, the holder of the container. My path has been developing an inner masculine, because when someone is polarized too far into the feminine, they are possessed by emotions and they live in a reactionary relationship with life when there's not that clear sight.

Speaker 2: 44:46

And one of the core practices in developing that inner masculine objective viewing, which might look like holding yourself while you cry, looking in the mirror and saying I'm never leaving you, my love, it's speaking to your pain. When you speak to it, you've just stepped out of it. So one of the greatest tools I've learned is parts work, speak to the wound, talk to it, hold it, step out of it. And one of the greatest ways I have found to develop that objective viewing is called zazen or seated meditation. You can't have a bad meditation, it doesn't exist. You just do it and it just is. My teachers from college would say if you're sad, have a sad zazen. But have a zazen, sit and and meditate. The spine is erect.

Speaker 3: 45:52

Right.

Speaker 2: 45:53

And you are here and you're saying something like this is what I might say and what I've said Girl, I'm never leaving your side. I don't care if you feel like you're dying or you're in orgasmic bliss. I am with you forever, forever, forever. It is this unconditional beloved and it's in you. It's this unconditional beloved and seated. Meditation is how you can grow that, because you are literally a wrecked spine and you're breathing and you are allowing what is. That's what it is. You're not trying to do anything, You're just like I'm complete. Here's the spell. I am completely here with you now. That's the spell.

Speaker 3: 46:47

I am completely here with you now, and so, for the person who is at maybe their bottom right now, or the person who is really struggling bottom right now, or the person who is really struggling, they're in their dark night of the soul, or they're just in a season of their life where they feel like nothing's going their way and they feel like everything's falling apart around them, and they're thinking to themselves right now, as they're listening to this. I want to start facing the things that have been holding me back. I want to start facing the things that have been holding me back. I want to be different. What's your advice for them? What are the steps from the moment of the decision of I'm sick of fighting and resisting all the way through being able to fully allow that experience to come through them. What's your advice?

Speaker 2: 47:36

I love that. I would say write it down, write down a vow. I can't give any advice beyond that, because god's taking you, whatever that means for you, your higher power, love, universe, for me, I like. I say god, that's taking you, and no psychic, no matter how trained, can lead you there. That's the mystic's path is you are led, you are led by that. So my advice would say write down a vow and I would say sign and fucking date it. This is so big, write the, I am all in. From this day forward, you don't have to know how, who, what, when and where. Your resounding yes is going to pick up supernatural happenings. It's the hero's journey. All you have to do is say yes.

Speaker 2: 48:28

I'm ready. I'm at 100, right, but you got to get to a hundred if you can right, because, yeah, the universe, god, whatever you believe in you owe some back, pay a little bit what's that?

Speaker 2: 48:40

you owe some back, pay a little bit yes, yes, you're always going to be met with your level of commitment. So if you want god to move you, you gotta got to go all in. And again, you don't have to know who, what, when, where, how, but that written commitment to your soul, this is top priority. I'm ready to go all in. I have no idea what the hell that means. Or, you know, I submit into, like the supernatural strength. Sign and date it. Your next chapter has not begun. Sign and date it.

Speaker 3: 49:11

Your next chapter has not begun Because once you finally accept and surrender to the fact that your ego's way is not working, yeah, it's like we can't outsmart God. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 49:25

Thank God, we can't.

Speaker 3: 49:34

Right, yeah, it's like it's not up to our mind or our human limitation to drive us towards the purpose that we're here to do. Right. And the first step in AA is admitting. Isn't it? The first step is admitting to yourself, to someone else or no? The first step is a what to someone else or no? The first step is uh, what is it?

Speaker 3: 49:54

it's a powerless yeah, I am powerless over my addiction and only a higher, higher power can save me, restore me to sanity, and the good news is that higher powers you. The good news is that, when you make that declaration, you're not disconnecting from yourself because you're weak. You're connecting with yourself because your power has always been there.

Speaker 2: 50:21

Yes.

Speaker 3: 50:22

And it's so you, they make the declaration and then what happens is the hero's journey begins in the sense of now you're going to learn, you're going to train and, your unique way, you're going to be taken on this path of preparation. So, now that you've decided to commit to the person that you've always been, your authentic self, the person that you showed up here to become well, now you're going to be put through some trials and tribulations and some initiations. What were yours?

Speaker 2: 51:00

after I said yes, yeah, my willingness to let go of relationships and actually fucking be lonely for a minute loneliness yeah, yeah, that was a big one.

Speaker 2: 51:10

I would look at all my previous drink drinking college friends like out at their sororities and I was just like closed. I closed the door in my apartment and just walked away and I, you know, there there's a point in the hero heroine's journey of no return, there's a point when you actually can't go back and that's a scary as fuck point. And it's also the greatest moment when you're gonna become bigger than you ever thought, you know. So I'd say that was a big one. And then also, facing my spiritual fears, you know, facing like really scary shit, like in the other realms, you know, and how that was an emanation or a reflection of my own parts of myself that I was terrified of.

Speaker 2: 51:56

So I had, I had a really, really frightening moment where I was at the river with friends and I think I was almost sober at this point, but I don't think I was yet and we I was with like these girlfriends and I had this experience of like a past life, of being a witch, and I got into my spell work and just started doing like actually like revisiting a past life is what it felt like. And I was at the river with girlfriends and we had prayed this was at night and we had prayed like only love, you know, and we were all meditating. And then I opened my eyes and my good friends, her eyes were completely flipped in the back of her head, like the horror movies, like white, and that was my biggest fear was like possession. I've had dreams about it since I was a child and it looked me straight in the face. I was completely safe, like nothing horrific happened other than me facing my fullest be.

Speaker 2: 53:01

That was my fullest fear yeah and then I go guys, because we were meditating and this was my best friend at the time, witchy as hell, channeler, all this stuff, really interesting relationship she comes over to me and puts her arm around me because she got triggered in her deepest fear that something was behind her, and so we re it was. It was this fertile moment of facing off with that and you know what? I went home alone to my apartment and was shaking in bed, you know, because I was about to start learning how to understand the other realms and that's why I carry a sword or a dagger sometimes and that's why I wear my sword earrings. It's like I am a protector, I am my own shaman in the other realms, and so psychic boundaries is a huge trial that I've walked through, been really wounded by, I should say trained, because that's like the training right, and now my presence alone provides safety.

Speaker 3: 54:13

I just know that and I feel that yeah, and well that leads to. So you've learned these things, you've learned how to go into the other realms, and how would you describe what you do specifically, because I think it's best said from you.

Speaker 2: 54:39

Sure, yes, so on a huge scale. I am here to bring balance back to the planet, like on a large scale, to really disturb the distorted. And this is from the eagle view, right of the enslavement, of the abuse of power. This is the view from the spirit world and that's really where I'm perched and where I've learned is my place to oversee the wider quote-unquote spiritual warfare yeah and um, to really like sit at that throne of the medicine, of the healing of the planet. That's like the lofty, like large vision of that.

Speaker 2: 55:37

No pressure, I mean, dame, um, we have fun with it, we have fun with it, yeah and I love tantra for that and the, the pleasure that that gets to, that you get to feel in that you know, um, yeah, and that shows up so uniquely in my session.

Speaker 2: 56:01

So for a very long time I did one-on-one sessions where I would track core wounds.

Speaker 2: 56:05

So I'm trained to track shamanically core wounds where I would go into somebody's energetic field To the point, brennan, I did so many of these remotely that once I had a studio for my business and had somebody's body laying there, the body would distract me. So I'm trained to read the soul print, read the soul imprint, and I've had the most insane experiences, like with clients that I really can't take credit for, really amazing shit that you can't make up around, like family members that have passed, that have come through, just like different layers of the soul's story, and going into where the disturbance is on the energetic level, because it manifests physically last. So the auric field produces the body and the disturbance happens first in the invisible world before it ever manifests. And so I'm trained to see that and I no longer at this moment do one-on-ones, because I'm really called to move groups forward, to have like this powerful lightning path, lightning bolt path, awakening and what I'm really um accepting in myself is that I'm a fucking mystery, and that's all I gotta say about that.

Speaker 3: 57:39

My purpose shows up in a lot of unique ways, but I think I described it how it wants to be described tonight it's beautiful yeah, thank you yeah, really helping people, and I'm sure that people come to you with all kinds of issues, yes, and then it shows up in all different kinds of ways. I think most manifestations of things that don't serve us come from a disorder, a distortion of the soul in some capacity. So yeah, trying to condense, it's so funny. I go to these networking events and I go to all these different places where people ask me you know, in 60 seconds, tell me who you are and what you do. And I always tell them if all it takes is for me to say that at 60 seconds, then I'm not doing enough.

Speaker 2: 58:27

Uh-huh.

Speaker 3: 58:30

Yes, and so that's beautiful, and now I know there's so many things that you are wanting to do and some new chapters that you're entering into, so I would love to hear about that. Absolutely Like in terms of your I would say yeah your creations, your how you're planning on taking what you've learned and impacting people on a deeper level, more expansive level. What are some things that you're you're working on right now?

Speaker 2: 59:03

Mm-hmm. So my beloved community is the Winged Alchemy membership, now called the Winged Alchemy Mystery School, and that was ran for a year and a half in six-month segments and I feel really excited about rebirthing that dream product suite. I've really focused on my addiction and recovery work, like the last five months being hired in for new positions and honestly, like getting paid really well to teach what I want to teach, like there's so much freedom that I'm grateful to have to bring these teachings into 28 day programs. I'm given a lot of freedom, like I could teach whatever the fuck I want in the lens of yoga, you know, in different lenses. So that's really been my focus the last like six, you know, five or so months and I'm feeling winged alchemy. I'm feeling so fertile in that and so much is ready to come through, specifically the mystery school.

Speaker 2: 1:00:11

And this is a community of light workers, change makers, healers, who are really a full fuck. Yes to their evolution and I'm going to bring the juice, bring the teachings and really create the container for you to meet with your soul, to have an experience of who you are. So it's dates with your soul. It's perfect for busy people. We meet three times, three times a month and then there's a new moon, like right up in there we're going to do fire ceremony, like belief burning ceremonies for each full moon. So I really am passionate about like group ritual, ceremonial magic through like that shamanic lens of working with the elements and really reprogramming the imprints within us. So number one, one, we can thrive. And number two, the psychic, spiritual, empathic souls are lifted into their calling and prepared.

Speaker 3: 1:01:13

So if somebody is listening to this right now and they're thinking of themselves, I'm ready to say fuck, yes, and I'm ready to step into it. What do they do? How can they do that with you?

Speaker 2: 1:01:29

Yeah, I love that. So my podcast is here right away. It's accessible wherever you're at. It's called the Spiritually Empowered Podcast. We have a lot of fun, uncensored, kinky, sexy spiritual talks over there, and I have a free library of classes. So I have a class that I'm really proud of called I think it's called the deep feminine, so mysteries of the deep feminine. It's really an experience in initiation back to the body and back to this, like our psychic power, and that's instant access for free. So I have four free experiences, live recorded classes available right now through it's called the mystics path temple and everything is in my links so they might be in your show notes perhaps.

Speaker 3: 1:02:26

They will. They will. I'm going to put links to your Instagram, your TikTok, your Mystery Path School and whatever else you want me to put in there. Thank you, I'm going to do that, I appreciate that, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:02:38

so I think those are amazing places to get started. And, yeah, you can join the wait list for the Mystery School if you feel like that is something you want to be a part of. So that is in my links as well.

Speaker 3: 1:02:51

What is one thing that you want to say to the you that was scared to step into her power?

Speaker 2: 1:03:12

yeah, I'm just like feeling like a room filled of ancestors and spiritual support behind her, like she is so lifted they are, we got Jaguar over there, we've got Ancest Like you are surrounded. You are literally surrounded and lifted. You are not alone. If you could just feel the power behind you and beside you, you'd fucking leap.

Speaker 3: 1:03:52

Beautiful. Well, I think that's a beautiful way to put a ribbon on this. Ashley, thank you so much for being a guest today and I'm looking forward to you guys giving me your feedback on how this episode went. Please, if you're feeling called to rate the podcast, subscribe to the podcast. I promise to be more consistent with these, as my passion and inspiration for getting my message out is also coming more online. So, thank you guys. So much for joining us and we'll talk to you next time.

Speaker 2: 1:04:28

Thank you, beloved listeners, and thank you, brennan, for having me.